Sunday, October 09, 2005

The Rose is Black and Wilting

This has been a really hard week for me. Thespian conference wasn't half of what I had thought. I hate to say that I didn't like it, but I didn't. And only a handful of people know what I really did for the competition and the work I really put forward because I did it for nothing.

(I'm not supposed to get into it)

I spent most of the trip by myself just thinking about how things are going wrong and how everything in my life has turned upside down. All my relationships with my friends are changing, and I don't like it. I was thinking about how things were a long time ago... when things were really hard but I wouldn't have it any other way. But not this time. This time things are hard, but not worth it.

I guess a lot of this came from a letter I got today. I saw some pictures that brought up some serious memories, tore open a few wounds, and made me miss a lot of things. But people have moved on, and I think it's finally my turn.

I miss her like crazy, but I can't let anyone know. I want to be her best friend still, but it's just so hard. I want her back. But I can't have her, because she's on to bigger and better things and I just have to let her go. All I have to do now is keep reminding myself.

I just have to let her go.