Contact

My mouth tastes of Orange Juice and isolation as I sit and ponder on the future that massacres all comfortable pensivity.
My robust diffidence leaves me making conversations with myself to stay in company.
I'm once more surrounded, but still I find myself detached from verisimilitude.

I'm deaf blind and dumb.

I ache for conversation, but I don't know how to reach out,
How to disseminate,
How to communicate,
What to say.
For someone so conversant as I am inescapably speechless.

I need a friend here.
Not someone like Cameron with whom there is latent competition,
Not someone like Michael with whom there's nothing left to say,
And not some girl with whom I'll ache for a confirmation of my desirability.
I want to talk to someone, anyone, I need to know people here want me.
But all I get is an evasion.

Touch me.

All I need is contact.

I can't feel you...

I'm not alright.

Crash and burn

The embers crack and sizzle as they slowly die out in the fire that was my self-assurance. Once a towering inferno, dancing and boasting a strength and resolve unmatched and untouchable, it now sits, a lifeless mass of dirt and ash.

I’m scared.

I feel like a lump of coal being crushed and trying to hold up over a lifetime of dark solitude underground. Though the end result may be beauty. I’m beginning to question if the end is worth the means.

I’ve found a new game. I walk across campus with someone I’ve never met. It’s usually a beautiful woman or someone out of my league. I act like we’re in a fight and because of which we aren’t talking. I find it astounding that you can walk half a mile with someone and have them not even acknowledge you exist.

I’m beginning to thrive on that. The reticence has become my sanctuary.

Homework

The quiet hum of countless conversations in the student center stirs me from my mindles reading that is my metier.
Each person talking has a million things to be done but finds there not so quiet respite in the comfort of a listening ear.
Complaints of hard papers, excitement of new attractions.
This is life at its most unvarnished state.
I can't help but feel alone in the crowd. But there is a strange comfort in my isolated ocean.
I see people rushing around and I feel so safe and select.
Surrounded by strangers. Many. Nameless, faceless many.
I'm afraid I'm going to like it here.
I'm afraid I'mn going to find friends and then lose this sweet sweet complacency.
I'm alone but I'm never been safer.
In a legion of reasons this place is hell.

But I'm afraid of losing this heaven.

Die with me

I just want to die with you
let me drown into the placid blue ocean of your eye
and burn in the warmth of the incandescence in your hair
knock me out with the impetus of your sigh.

I just want to waste away with you
hold you tight while the world fades around us
wilt like the rose and wane like the moon
together we vanish into dust.

I just want to be with you
for us to grow old and one day be free
remain in eachothers periphery for all of our days
Bright Eyes all I ask is just remember me.