Method to my madness

Tear Drop
Originally uploaded by just call me hot.

There are two categories of sadness, intrinsic, and extrinsic. Within those categories there are is all manor of sadness, but for our purposes, we will make this single distinction.

Intrinsic sadness is sadness from within. It typically presents itself in a clinical sense as depression. It is pain without cause. It is without beginning or ending. It is sea you fall into without shore. In a physiological sense, it's misfiring (or not firing) neurotransmitters; typically a deficit in serotonin. Research suggests that a serious deficit of this type rarely rights itself without proper medical intervention. Intrinsic sadness is the stuff I feel 95% of life in varying degrees. Luckily most normal folk will only experience very limited intrinsic sadness.

Extrinsic sadness is the type we're all familiar with. It's the type you feel when you hate your job, feel trapped by in a school you hate, or find out someone you love has died. It is defined as extrinsic because it has an external source. There is something you can point to and say, that it what's causing my sadness. This type of sadness is a relief for me, because it means there is actually something I can do about it. Don't like your job? Get a new one. Swamped in school? Take a break. Your father just died? Time will heal that wound. You can change your external factors. You can change your perspective. You have control over that which saddens you.

There is actually a danger that extrinsic sadness will turn into intrinsic sadness. There is evidence to suggest that if a person dwells too long in a sadness, no matter how external the source, it can actually lead to full blown depression.

This fundamental difference is what people do not understand about depression. Depression has no external cause. If I am notably sad, the question someone will always ask me is why. When I tell them there is no reason, that the sadness is intrinsic, they look at me with disbelief. People are looking for logical causes. It's human nature. The logical answer is, I'm sick. I know I'm sick in a way you don't understand, but that doesn't make it not true.

It is also true that people don't seem to want to take responsibility for making their own happiness. I'm an extreme example of course, but my life is crafted to defeat sadness. Of course, I have far too many strikes against me so it doesn't really work, but your average person has no such excuse. Yes, there will also be choices that suck, and potholes you can't avoid, but happiness is there, waiting for you. It's practically holding the door open for you. You can't see it, but I can. I can see your smile. You think you've lost it, but really you've just misplaced it. If life had a desire, it would be for you to be happy. Sadness isn't a natural state of being, it's a detour. We all take them, but then we get back.

But none the less I can't help but feel a hopelessness to it all. I'm fighting for reason to look up to things, but recent turns of events have lead me to be beleive that I am alone in fighting for something that should come naturally. As I have sadi millions of times before... I think too much. I just hjope that me ranting about what my sorrow means to me will make me feel better