I hurt myself today...

No, I'm not going to write a song. I actually hurt myself, bad. We had a big championship meet, and all of my friends were there from other teams. I did something wrong, and the next thing I know I couldn't move my left arm and seering pain burned through me. It wasn't supposed to happen this way.

Because of this accident I'm not the fastest backstroker in the region anymore. I feel like I'm starting over, as the slow swimmer who people clap for coming in because he's so far behind everyone else.

I lost my event, my title, my time, but most importantly... my pride. People gave me crap about being the skinny kid or whatever, but it doesn't change the fact that people would come up against me and lose. I couldn't do a whole lot of things better than anyone else, but this was my niche, my sport, my PASSION. I left everything in the water and I got everything back.

But it's different now.

I don't know where I am supposed to be. If I'm not a swimmer then I suppose I'm an actor, but I was ALWAYS the athlete of the drama department, it's all that sets me apart from anyone else. And when it comes to acting... I was never great. Never got the leads in any plays, never got on any of the competing teams I wanted. I was always walking in someones shadow, But in the water I shone.

But I've lost it. I can't swim backstroke anymore, and I'm beginning to think it's all I could do. I have to go see doctors which means more "tilt tests" and monitors. I hate hospitals, it reminds me of my accident when I was little, when I was told that I couldn't walk for at least a year. Do you have any idea how hard it is to learn how to walk that late in life. And because of the accident I couldn't do land sports... But now I can't swim either.

Theres nothing left.

It's not fair that I put forth all of that effort to be as good as I was, just to have it stripped from me with 1 false stroke.
I was the best, untouchable. But now I'm at the bottom of the ladder again. I don't want to be slow, I don't want to fall behind and work my way up. Is any of it worth it? Suppose I work my way back up and become the best again, Who's to say I don't hurt myself again and lose it all.

I had a future. Colleges. Scholarships. Championships. there was no telling how far I could have gone. I was finally good at something. But Like I said. It's different now.

I don't know where I belong.